Saturday, September 13, 2014

Women Flexing the Guns, Thoughts on Muscular Women

I was browsing Amazon the other day and saw an interesting book that really caught my attention. The title is what got me. The book is entitled "Venus with Biceps: A Pictorial History of Muscular Women"

It's $23.97 on Amazon

I find it odd but very interesting. Apparently, it is 200 photos and illustrations of muscular women over the past one hundred years, with a few chapters of writing. I can't quite wrap my head around the concept of muscular women being a phenomenon even in the old days.

I know a few female professional bodybuilders and even watched a documentary and I know that they don't make at all what male bodybuilders make, even though they put in the same work. These people need to supplement income and a lot of them apparently turn to stuff like this book - showcasing those hard earned guns. 

This brings me to share my thoughts on muscular women. The vast majority of people find muscular women unattractive and even "intimidating" to put it lightly. I've even heard somebody being called a homosexual for finding muscular women attractive before. The thing is, most people find muscles to be inherently associated with masculinity, and thus, a woman with muscles automatically isn't feminine. 

I, however find muscles to be a thing of beauty. People should realize that you can be masculine or feminine regardless of how muscular you are.

Saturday, July 26, 2014

Analyzing the Dwight Schrute Gym for Muscles

I was watching The Office US the other day and I really enjoyed one old episode in particular where Dwight Schrute tried to get a gym off the ground.

He calls it "Dwight Schrute Gym for Muscles", his buddy Darryl calls it "a scene out of Saw V".  I thought it was pretty awesome.

A gym that turns fat into cash.
The first 20 members can take advantage of the pay what you weigh promotion.

Inside the gym, you got a gravel bucket squat yoke area, a hanging tire swing where you can hit it with a sledge hammer, a wood chopping station, a makeshift barbell, a dedicated phone book ripping station, and a tin cutting station where you can sell any tin you cut back to Dwight.

I thought to myself, there wasn't any state of the art modern gym equipment back in the day. These were things that actually kept people in shape. Let's go through each station and examine how these can really help you build some muscle:

wood chopping dwight schrute gym for muscles
The Wood Chopping Station
Chopping wood is one of the manliest things anyone can do. It is mostly a core workout but it also targets your shoulder muscles (deltoids), and your biceps and triceps as well (when picking up the chopped wood). It will also improve your cardiovascular endurance and your strength.

Barbell dwight schrute gym for muscles
This Make Shift Barbell
I don't know what this barbell is made of exactly, but it should do what a normal barbell should do. Do some bench reps in that blue wooden bench and you'll get killer pecs, triceps and shoulders as well.

Phone Book Ripping Station
Ripping a phone book in half is one of those old strong man tricks and by no means an easy feat to do. Various strong men made it very popular back then, but you don't actually have to ripped like them to actually be able to do it. It is a combination of technique, grip, and arm strength. It would probably build forearm muscles but I am not going to rely on it.

The Tin Cutting Station
"You ever cut tin before? Five yards in and your forearms will be on fire." I will not argue there. This is a killer forearm workout. Just remember to wear protective gloves to prevent any blisters.

The Old Sledgehammer and Hanging Tire Station
I am not sure why the tire is hanging. You've probably seen boxers and MMA fighters beat the hell out a tire lying on the ground and that has the same effect as chopping wood. Swinging at a hanging tire can be effective if the hammer has a decent weight on it.

Gravel Bucket Squat Yoke Station
While primarily a leg exercise, squatting with gravel buckets can work your shoulders. This is a great station if you ask me.

According to Dwight, membership is $49 per month. But every third month is $59 a month. But the fourth month is a discount month at $19 per month. He is going to need the first month’s and the last month’s up front. It's pricey but I am up for this if it was real. It's good to try out of the box things once in a while.

Friday, March 8, 2013

How to Work Out Your Arms Without Equipment


You can't always be at the gym. A normal person spends a significant amount of their days trying to figure out how to help society.. well, among other things. Sometimes your guns don't get the attention that it deserves. Well let me tell you something: Having no time to go to the gym is NOT an excuse to completely ignore working out your guns. 

If it was remotely possible, I'd rather live inside a gym. But I can't, so I find ways to work out my arms without any equipment at all. Here are some of the ways that you can push your arms to the limit without the help of anything that you can find in the gym at all. 

THE PUSH UP

Push Ups are my bread and butter. You can do it just about anywhere. If you don't know what a push up is, you need to get off the rock you are living in. I can just imagine a world without push ups and gym equipment. We would all look like the Tyrannosaurus Rex. Here's an image of T-Rex trying to go for a push up:


Trex push ups
I know, it's pathetic.
And you know what's great? you can do elevated push ups anywhere too. Elevated push ups are just push ups done with the same mechanics but with your feet planted in an elevated surface to put more weight into your upper body. Push Ups are great for building your triceps. You could even take it further by strapping up a backpack and pump in some additional weight. 

PULL UPS

Whenever I see a horizontal bar or pipe, I see an opportunity to do a pull up which will target your biceps. It's really quite simple. Just grab any elevated horizontal bar that you see, then at shoulder width apart, pull yourself up until your chin is higher than the bar, then lower yourself slowly. You have to remember though that pull ups are one of the toughest workouts out there. A lot of people can't even do one single pull up. And it gets even tougher if you haven't developed enough upper body strength to lift up your entire body. 

DIPS

Dips can build up your triceps and you can  do variations of it just about anywhere. The basic motion of the dip is done by raising yourself on two supports with elbows locked, then push yourself up by straightening your arms then slowly lower your body until your shoulders are lower than your elbows. You can do this without any equipment, you just need to things that will support your arms.

Elephant Dips? Why the hell not?


CARRY YOUR GIRL'S SHOPPING BAGS

Women love shopping. I love it even more because when my girl shops, it presents an opportunity to work out my shoulders.
No honey, I don't mind. Gotta work out these guns y'know.

Lloyd Baker is a creative/humor writer who lives in Washington. He likes to poke fun at the "all for show" aspects of building muscles. He is not in any way shape or form a bodybuilding trainer nor has he been trained by one.

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

A Tribute to Michael Clarke Duncan's Guns

As Michael Clarke Duncan is laid to his final resting place today,  I just can't help but feel sad and shocked at the same time. Who would think that a young and obviously physically active individual would go down and "leave on his jet plane"? I guess we all have do go down that road sometime in our lives, we just don't know when. His death actually makes me reminisce about my how my father died. He too was a physically active, healthy individual. He died from cardiac arrest while playing the sport that he loves, Tennis.

A talented and respected actor on and off-screen, there was always two things that stood out from his movies - his massive guns.

Michael Clarke Duncan Huge Biceps
Well in this case,  we can all agree that one gun is enough

I haven't had a chance to watch his best film (according to most people) The Green Mile, but I have The Scorpion King on DVD where he plays this Tribal Leader guy. He was phenomenal in it. If you haven't seen it, you should definitely rent it out. He had a fight scene with The Rock and it was pure fireworks man....

Michael Clark Duncan in Scorpion King
No Spoilers here, just another shot of his massive arms

He also has this iconic baritone voice that made some notable fictional characters such as Kilowog and the Rhino from Kung Fu Panda come alive. Tell you what, those are two menacing characters. I seriously believe that his voice could make a man poop his pants. He's like James Earl Jones with 25 inch biceps.

There's no doubt that he was an inspiration to all of us. Rest in Peace Big Guy...

Rest in Peace Michael Clark Duncan
       Michael Clarke Duncan
                1957-2012


Lloyd Baker is a creative/humor writer who lives in Washington. He likes to poke fun at the "all for show" aspects of building muscles. He is not in any way shape or form a bodybuilding trainer nor has he been trained by one.

Sunday, August 26, 2012

Big Arms, Small Legs? It's all good...

Big arm muscles can be a thing of beauty. But sometimes, you get caught up at marveling at your loaded guns and completely forget that you have leg muscles too. Take for example, this dude:

Big Arms, Small Legs
Besides the hat, what is the deal with those socks?

The above is a fairly common sight in the gym and has been called a lot of things - Small Wheels, Leg Day Skipper, Out of Symmetry Man, Johnny Bravo Worship, Chicken Legs Syndrome, and many others. It gets pretty rough but it just means that you have a killer upper body and a lower body that makes you... weird looking.

But you know what I think about all this? IT'S ALL GOOD...

I mean, c'mon, who cares? As long as you keep your legs at optimum health wherein you could properly support your upper body, who cares about how it looks? For those who like to pick on other people's lifting habits, I got something to say to you people: JUST WORRY ABOUT YOUR DAMN SELF. I think it is pathetic to judge other people when you need plenty of work yourself. 

Here are some things to consider when you have Small Wheels...

The upper body is the first thing people see

We have talked about this in the previous posts. It is a no-brainer. Building your arm and chest muscles is more practical because of the visibility factor. The amount of stress that your legs experience from carrying your huge upper body is enough of a workout.

You can still be pretty intimidating even with Chicken Legs

Don't mock my legs
Yeah, that's what I thought, puny being

Most females don't really care about leg muscles

Those with the Johnny Bravo legs are going to get action just like anyone else, not because they look like Johnny Bravo specifically, but because they have big biceps or huge guns in general. Point is: if you are working out your muscles to get chicks, all you need to work on is your guns and chest. I just laugh at the thought of people doing squats to get chicks.

No one would even notice when you are wearing pants.

Pants are your best friend when you have the Chicken Leg Syndrome. No one needs to see those. You should have a motto: Shorts are for queers. Besides, when you have enormous legs, it is hard to find pants or even shorts that will fit.

For what it's worth, I am all for a balanced muscle structure. But when it comes down to it, I'd rather go with this:

Big Arms, Chicken Legs

than this:

Puny upper Body, Huge Lower Body


Lloyd Baker is a creative/humor writer who lives in Washington. He likes to poke fun at the "all for show" aspects of building muscles. He is not in any way shape or form a bodybuilding trainer nor has he been trained by one.

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

2012 London Olympics Guns

Now that the 2012 Olympics are finally over, we can all reflect at the great and controversial moments from the best athletes on earth. From Usain Bolt winning back to back golds in the 100m and 200m, Korea's Im Dong Hyun breaking a world record in Archery despite being legally blind, and Oscar Pistorius placing second in a 400m sprint heat despite having no legs, we all watched greatness unfold right before our eyes. With all those moments getting into the history books, the event that stands out among the rest for me is the Men's Kayak Single 200m. Why? I got two words for you: Marko Novakovic.

The London Olympics packs firepower
This guy.

Are you seeing what I'm seeing? This guy has got The Hulk's arm muscles. I am not going to comment on his legs, we are all about the guns here. But man, look at the firepower this guy is packing. He finished 7th in the final round but he has reached immortality in my view. I can just imagine him winning and Olympic officials refusing to shake his hand just for the fear of him turning their hands into ginger. This man from Serbia has it all figured out. It is a shame that we would have to wait 4 more years to see Marko and his guns back in action, competing against the best in the world.

This brings me to the value of paddling kayaks to get those massive guns (and vice versa). The primary arm muscles that are used when paddling a kayak are the shoulders, triceps and biceps. It is an excellent sport if you are targeting these muscles. But you have to take note it is not just your arms that enables the kayak to go. Proper torso rotation and an emphasis on your core and back muscles are important factors as well.

This video demonstrates the right way to paddle a kayak:


As what the video implies, it is all about technique and proper paddling form. Shoulder dislocation is possible without the proper technique. Also, working on your arm muscles would be beneficial once you fall off the kayak and start swimming for your goddamn life.

Kayaking Blunder
How's the water down there Bob?


Lloyd Baker is a creative/humor writer who lives in Washington. He likes to poke fun at the "all for show" aspects of building muscles. He is not in any way shape or form a bodybuilding trainer nor has he been trained by one.

Thursday, July 26, 2012

The Right Way to Flex your Biceps

We briefly talked about flexing in the previous post and how easy it is to show off your guns. I believe that the bicep muscles are the easiest to flex considering that you can do it at any situation. You don't even have to remove your shirt (or pants), ain't that right Regis?

Regis Flexing
Bam!

Ask any man out there to show you his muscles. Can you guess what comes next? That's right, the guy will instantly cock his arms in a curled position, highlighting his bicep muscles. Nobody in their right mind would take off his clothes and start doing the "pecs dance".

Flexing your biceps is the most manly and dominant of all poses. Why? It makes you look wider and seem like a freakin' champion. It kind of looks like a victory pose, and believe me, you shall be victorious with the right flexing.

Without further ado, here's how to flex your biceps:

1. Get your arms up and out from your side and hold it parallel to the ground.

2. Rotate your arms in a way that your palms are pointing to the sky.

3. Make a fist.

4. Bring your forearm perpendicular to the ground while pointing your fists toward your head.

5. Smile WHILE biting your lower lip.

The big question now is when or where do you flex your biceps? ANYWHERE and ANYTIME...

Some Bicep "Flex Moves" to Remember

The Flex Point

Use this when somebody asks you for directions, or when you are teaching somebody, or generally any situation wherein it requires you to point at something. It is a sneaky move, but when it is done right, it can do wonders.

The Flex Point
"The microwave is over there."

Start by rolling your sleeves up a little, this should be quick and should look natural. Extend your arms, then point at the target object while curling your forearms in a flexed position. Hold for 3 seconds. Under 3: they won't see the good stuff. Over 3: you are just trying too hard.

Flex and Shoot

Do you like to take pictures of yourself taking pictures? The stance of shooting photos through a DSLR camera poses an opportunity to flex your guns.

Flex and Shoot
Hold it... Right... There... That's it....

Make sure that you get into the correct angle so that your glorious biceps will take center stage.

Other "Flex Moves" to consider:
The Signal Flex (raising your cellphone to the sky when it loses coverage)
Bottoms Up Flex
The Flex Yawn


Lloyd Baker is a creative/humor writer who lives in Washington. He likes to poke fun at the "all for show" aspects of building muscles. He is not in any way shape or form a bodybuilding trainer nor has he been trained by one.

Do you have more pictures of flex moves? Feel free to email me and I will add them to this post.